The Blog

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Darkness

Darkness

Sometimes there isn’t any light. She knows it’s there. She knows that if she just choose to see it, she would, yet there’s a stronger part of her that wants to embrace the sadness, the meaningless, for a time.

Maybe in the hopelessness, there is hope, or at least faith. Maybe having a choice, knowing there is always a choice, provides more relief than she realised. Knowing that if there is one, there must be the other, knowing that letting go, can also facilitate holding on.

And so she emerged the other side of her tears. Tired, weary and feeling less than sure-footed she allowed herself to slowly see the light again. She allowed herself to be held, and loved, and reminded that there is always meaning, there is always light, and there is always love.

Feeling bad doesn’t mean any of the things we often tell ourselves it means. It just means we chose (on some level), to embrace our shadow for a while. What would it look like if we chose to see the light for a while now instead?

Photo taken at: Uluwatu Beach

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Relationship

Relationship

Two quotes are really playing over and over in my head today. I’m not sure why, but I’ll share them with you anyway, for whoever needs them…

“I am not here for your understanding of who I am. I am here for your understanding of who you are. I am your mirror. How you feel about me, what you see in me, the thoughts that arise from your encounter of me, the judgements you hold about me, are all reflections of you. They have nothing to do with me.” ― Emily Maroutian, Thirty: A Collection of Personal Quotes, Advice, and Lessons

And, “I am here only to be truly helpful. I am here to represent Him Who sent me. I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me. I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me. I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.” – A Course in Miracles, T-2.V.A.18

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Humility

Humility

Last night in my coach training (which I’m currently taking between 10pm and 1am because of the time difference), we talked about being humble and curious when working with clients, and being more aware of our own judgements, bias and agenda.

Whenever I work with clients, I bring my whole self to the table. That doesn’t mean I share everything, but I am as transparent as possible, whilst recognising that the session isn’t about me – it’s about my client and what they’re experiencing. I don’t want to influence their knowing, understanding and insights in any way, just help them uncover them. I trust and know that only they know what is best for them.

And so, I am seeing so much affinity between what I’m (re)learning in my coach training, and what I understand from being a student and teacher of A Course In Miracles. When we can suspend our judgement, when we can recognise that we don’t know what anything is for, when we stop making meaning of things, or trying to make a situation fit into our version of what we want reality to be, we give ourselves the space for movement, for change, for feeling better, for feeling peaceful, for seeing through the eyes of love, instead of fear and ego.

I’m currently feeling into the best way to work with clients to get my logged coaching hours for accreditation (and whether this will be at a discounted rate). If you’re curious about working with me in a coaching capacity, where we can both learn and have profound growth, please send me a message and we can talk about how that might look.

Photo tb to Cornwall last March, cos I hear it’s pretty cold in the UK right now

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Ritual

Ritual

I love watching the Balinese Hindus place their puja in the mornings around their statues, homes and businesses – offering their gods gifts and welcoming their presence. There is something so beautiful in the humble act of ritual offering, in acknowledging a belief system that brings you peace.

Today is Galungan in Bali – the start of a celebration honouring ancestors passed. As we drove around today, we saw everyone in their best white clothes, bringing their puja to their temples. Everyone smiling and happy. Later they will spend time with their families.

Maybe religion is not for you, but maybe there is something you do which brings you peace – making your morning coffee, yoga….whatever your ritual, I invite you to bring your whole, joyful awareness to it

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Breathe

Breathe

Breathe. Whatever is happening, however you feel, come back to your breath.

I’m being reminded these last few days how powerful our breath is: how much it controls our nervous system and how we can release the tension held in our bodies when we remember to use it consciously. The breath is one of the few systems in our body which is both conscious and unconscious – it happens all by itself, without any intervention from us, quietly, in the background of our lives, requiring no effort and, when we choose, we can consciously direct our breath to cool us down, warm us up, calm us, enliven us and heal us.

I am so grateful to the yogic teachings of pranayama for all the wisdom that has been shared with me about how powerful the breath is, and yet, at it’s most simple, it is equally as potent a healing tool.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Allow yourself a few moments of calm to turn inward and rest

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Choose again

Choose again

What would life look like if we truly chose to bring full awareness to our thoughts, feelings, actions and beliefs in each moment? How many unconscious patterns would we bring to light? How many opportunities would we have to choose again?

A few days ago I made a conscious decision that I’d been making less consciously for a while, and I voiced it, out loud. I decided that I would rather stare my limiting beliefs in the face, and choose differently, than continue to live parts of my life restricted and from a fearful mentality centred around lack and limitation. I decided I was tired of fear showing up every time I was in this particular situation.

Whilst this will require a LOT of showing up on my part, it will also lead to massive expansion as I look for the moments when my actions are informed by my visualising lack, instead of unlimited abundance, limitation instead of expansion, and fear and conditions instead of unconditional love.

There is nothing we can’t have, do, or be in this world, it is simply a case of choosing to see with love and abundance, and letting go of our judgements, opinions and limiting beliefs

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Patterns

Patterns

She made a decision, a long time ago, not to settle. She had lost, felt left behind, and been hurt too many times. She knew that the only way to change this was to choose differently for herself: to choose better.
And yet, she repeated the same patterns for many years to come. She choose again, chose better, lost herself, found herself, and chose again. As a pattern, it was tiring, and boring, and all together frustrating as hell, and she also knew that each time she realised she’d lost herself, she was a step closer to staying with herself longer the next time.

She chose again, she chose the challenge. She chose to stay, and work, because being afraid of life wasn’t something she was willing to accept any longer. So even if it was hard, even if there were tears, even if she had to course-correct another 100 times, she would continue to consciously choose better for herself: to choose love instead of fear

Photo taken at: Medewi Beach

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Walls

Walls

Sometimes it’s not about trying to take a bulldozer to the walls to break them down, it’s about seeing the walls, and just sharing that with the other person.

Connecting with people isn’t about getting them to open up, or forcing a conversation that isn’t ready to be spoken, it’s about sharing how you feel – to speak the elephant in the room to life, and just say, I know there’s an elephant here. I’m not ready to talk about it, but it’s here and I feel it and it’s not comfortable.

Will that change anything? Maybe not. But maybe, knowing that you both see the elephant, might just create a common ground, and a sense of connection where there wasn’t before. Maybe, it gives us space to breathe, and take the time we need to feel safe

Photo taken at: Bali

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Contrast

Contrast

Maybe it was possible to find peace without contrast. Maybe you found peace IN the contrast?

Maybe, as she experienced the edges of her comfort zone, it was possible to discover her peace, even in the midst of the discomfort, in the situations and experiences that scared her, brought out her desire to defend herself, or brought on a weariness that made her want to run away to the comfort of a life less interesting, and all together less inspiring.

Maybe that was the goal: not to be happy with everything, but to be able to find her centre, her own source of peace and comfort, even when faced with the random human challenges of day to day life?

My journey in Bali has only just begun, and yet it’s already pushed so many of my buttons; physically, emotionally and mentally. I am grateful for more opportunities to clear the blocks to love, despite how it feels at the time.

I have gone to sleep the last couple of nights with scary flashbacks every time I close my eyes, and feeling the most unsettled I’ve felt in a long time. So is the journey. So is the practice. I haven’t done yoga since I got here and my body felt it when I finally made one of the longest paddle outs ever this morning on my new board with half the volume I’m used to. And. I did it.

I spend my time chanting sanskrit mantras in my head when I’m riding my scooter because it terrifies me, and remind myself that all is well, and everything is as it should be, for my highest good.

I catch the stories I tell myself and the judgements I make about any and every situation, relax my shoulders, and breathe.

I am so far from having it ‘figured out’, and yet, I still find myself with faith, trusting that I’m in the right place, being of the most service to my clients, and excited to start my ICF Coach training tonight thanks to the power of the internet, even in the remote corners of Bali. Whatever we learn individually, benefits the collective

Photo taken at: Medewi Beach

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