The Blogbecause 140 characters aren't enough
What does it look like, to be honest, to be truly in integrity with your heart, in that space where there is no discrepancy between your heart, thoughts, words and actions? Does it feel better? Is there more freedom in that truth? For sure there will be lessons in discernment, when to speak and when to act, when to pause and examine the contents of your heart, in the times you feel less than peaceful, and want to use your words as weapons to share the magnitude of your pain. But yes, in truth you will find freedom. You will find a love and gratitude that will surpass the thoughts of judgement and separation. For in honesty, we find connection, we find what it looks like when we see ourselves in another, and recognise love instead of seeing fear. I can tell you I’m good, and it’s true, but I can also share that I have moments when tears and grief flow from me like a never ending river, and I wonder how so much pain can be stored in one body. When I say I’m good, I mean all is well. I mean I know what love feels like and I know pain, and I’m choosing love
Photo taken at: Polzeath
One from the archives:
Do not underestimate me.
I can move mountains with a flick of my tongue.
I breathe fire and life into existence from the very images in my head and you,
You my friend, can do exactly the same if you choose.
Take off your blindfold, stop playing the victim, forgive yourself and trust that you too, have it all.
Look at the world again.
Look with innocent eyes, without the judgement and the pain of the past.
See what you would see if all you saw was love.
Then tell me I can’t, again, and watch me make it happen
So she held that moment, and looked for whatever was within it that would make her kinder and more loving, and took that with her as she moved forward into a new moment.
And she realised that it was so much easier to love unconditionally when she knew the connection was temporary, before all the usual hopes and fears and expectations had chance to infuse themselves into it and make it a false version of it’s true self. For where there is no truth, there is no reality, and isn’t that all she was really looking for? A few moments of authenticity, realness, connection: true unconditional, unencumbered love with another human being?
What would it look like if every connection was like that? Taken for exactly what is was and nothing more – an opportunity to be seen, and to love, and be loved, just for a moment, without any expectations or judgments or opinions. No right or wrong, good or bad….just you and me, in the here and now…. P.S. to those who gift others tokens to remember those moments, thank you x
Rest comes not from sleeping, but from waking. ~A Course In Miracles
Quite often, I’ve looked at this sea over the last few months and just started crying, because I have no words for how beautiful it is and how grateful I am to be here. Cornwall and it’s community are teaching me how to be much more present to life, how to see clearly, and rest peacefully. The beauty we see is a reflection of the beauty inside us, if we choose to acknowledge it
Photo taken at: Polzeath
I’ve noticed myself being super impatient and irritable the last few days….then the sun came out and I remembered that I get to choose how I feel and how I want to move through the world.
Note to self: you cannot receive what you are not already giving. If you’re not already giving it, it’s because you believe you lack something, and are looking for it outside yourself. You cannot receive what you think you don’t have, because we’re all one (so you’re trying to get something from yourself that you belief you don’t have – that’s why it’s impossible). I know, I know. It’s a lot….and maybe it will resonate or not. It’s all ok. All paths lead end in the same place
A few things have happened the last few weeks (including discovering these filters). I had some moments doubting myself. I questioned if I was helping people enough, or in the ‘right’ way. I noticed how much mirroring goes on in our communities – were others’ emotions affecting me, or were they simply mirroring the questioning going on inside my own head?
The clarity I finally found, is that I’m feeling pulled to be bolder in my work. That’s scary because it means I have to really practice what I preach, but what’s the point otherwise?
I realised I want live more by example, from love, and less by rhetoric. I believe you categorically CAN heal completely from trauma, and fear, and depression. I will be more outspoken that the only thing holding us back is our own fear. My practice (in life and work with clients) focuses on forgiveness and eliminating judgement. It’s daily and continuing. It is not complicated, but it does require a willingness, and faith.
So even though my ego is scared, and I have no idea what reaction I’ll get from talking about these principles, this faith, more openly, I’m willing to go there, and trust that if we’re supposed to work together in some way, or connect, we’ll find each other. And, if your curious about what it’s like to feel happier, more peaceful, and more secure, head to the counselling page to book a consult 💕
I don’t work for money anymore. That might sound stupid, given I charge my clients for counselling, but for the last few years I’ve consciously chosen to work because I want to help people, and because I love what I do, not because I want peoples’ money.
Now I’m able to make life and work essentially two sides of the same coin – everything is a question of what feels most loving and kind, whether that’s supporting my clients or having an impromptu bbq on the beach.
Maybe I’ve had the benefit of choosing to live a simple life and not having dependants, but a few years ago I looked at the way I was working – trying to sell big programmes and get people to commit to multiple sessions with me, so I could feel secure in my income. It felt off. It felt like, instead of being able to focus on helping people, I was focusing on what I needed from them.
Instead, I decided that I would work in a way that helped people, and made me feel good, and do whatever else I was guided to do and trust that because I was helping people, and doing my best to choose love over fear, I would be supported to continue to do so.
I appreciate that taking that leap of faith is huge and scary, but I can tell you that my practice tripled within three months or so of making this decision and consciously reaffirming to myself that I was supported. If I don’t have that many clients one month, I go do some volunteering or find another way to help. I keep reaffirming that I am supported. Without trying, my practice grew, perhaps because my energy was one of helpfulness instead of fear and needing, who knows.
Every now and again I have a quiet month with my clients (because I ask them to book when they want instead of forcing them into a regular contract) and those lack and scarcity thoughts creep in. In those moments, I ask myself, do I want to respond to this from a place of love (how can I be more helpful?) or from a place of fear (what can I do to get the money in?). No matter what is happening, I trust that it is an opportunity for me to choose love, and more and more, I am (it’s working out way better than when I kept choosing fear).
I thought working in this way would mean more second jobs and less doing work I loved, but actually the opposite happened. I was able to leave my second job and even when I feel I’ve been quiet, my counselling work invariably covers everything I need.
I am insanely grateful for the life I have and how I get to contribute. This is a life I created with conscious, moment to moment choices of love, instead of fear. Don’t ever let your ego tell you that you can’t have a truly fulfilling life, you can.
One day, she thought, I will get tired of being angry, too tired to keep holding on to the need to be right, and I will let go. I will recognise that all forgiveness is self-forgiveness, and if I’m holding out on them, I’m holding out on myself. I’m tired of holding out on myself. I love myself more than this, don’t I?
And perhaps then, and only then, she will let herself love so fully, so completely that it doesn’t matter what anyone says, or does, they will always have a home in her, for she is forever theirs, and they hers. Maybe not in this lifetime, maybe not in the world of fearful behaviour, but she will hold them, and love their soul in a way they, and her, never even thought possible.
This, she realised, was the only true way to be free, the only true way to love herself, and recognise she was already everything she could possibly desire to be
What can we hope for, except truth? There is little chance of promises being kept, unless they are promises of change, for we can no more tell if we will always be kind than if the sun will warm our faces that day. Because really, isn’t that all we truly want to know? Will you be kind to me? Will you treat me well? Is my heart safe with you?
And of course, we can never know, because we are all imperfect and the chances are we will forget to be kind one day, and someone will choose to blame our momentary lack of integrity on a fundamental character flaw, destined to be repeated and therefore requiring us to be written off or punished with distance…. Or perhaps, they will instead recognise our imperfections as their opportunities to heal….and allow us both the opportunity for radical honesty and transparency, rather than promises we can only ever hope to keep. Perhaps even, that we will trust ourselves to hold our hearts safely, and that when we open those hearts to others it is done so with the knowledge that whatever happens, our hearts will always be safe, because we put our faith in love, not an imperfect interpretation of who someone else should be