The Blogbecause 140 characters aren't enough
One day, she thought, I will get tired of being angry, too tired to keep holding on to the need to be right, and I will let go. I will recognise that all forgiveness is self-forgiveness, and if I’m holding out on them, I’m holding out on myself. I’m tired of holding out on myself. I love myself more than this, don’t I?
And perhaps then, and only then, she will let herself love so fully, so completely that it doesn’t matter what anyone says, or does, they will always have a home in her, for she is forever theirs, and they hers. Maybe not in this lifetime, maybe not in the world of fearful behaviour, but she will hold them, and love their soul in a way they, and her, never even thought possible.
This, she realised, was the only true way to be free, the only true way to love herself, and recognise she was already everything she could possibly desire to be
What can we hope for, except truth? There is little chance of promises being kept, unless they are promises of change, for we can no more tell if we will always be kind than if the sun will warm our faces that day. Because really, isn’t that all we truly want to know? Will you be kind to me? Will you treat me well? Is my heart safe with you?
And of course, we can never know, because we are all imperfect and the chances are we will forget to be kind one day, and someone will choose to blame our momentary lack of integrity on a fundamental character flaw, destined to be repeated and therefore requiring us to be written off or punished with distance…. Or perhaps, they will instead recognise our imperfections as their opportunities to heal….and allow us both the opportunity for radical honesty and transparency, rather than promises we can only ever hope to keep. Perhaps even, that we will trust ourselves to hold our hearts safely, and that when we open those hearts to others it is done so with the knowledge that whatever happens, our hearts will always be safe, because we put our faith in love, not an imperfect interpretation of who someone else should be
“If it’s the highest and best for anyone, it’s the highest and best for everyone, because we’re all one.” @jenniferhelenhadley
Love does not “do”, it simply “is”.
Love does not have to prove itself, nor behave a certain way to exist. It is our very essence. It is always kind, and always peaceful. It is our state of being when all our fear, judgement and thoughts of lack and attack are removed. It does not need action to sustain it. .
In love, all things sustained
Photo taken at: Cornwall
Maybe my happy place is here, and maybe it’s a world within me, where I realise and truly believe that I am loved, and loveable, and loving: where I can believe once again in integrity and kindness and where I can choose every day to live and breathe these qualities and have them reflected back to me in the community I find myself in. Kindness breeds kindness. Choose to behave accordingly
Photo taken at: Cornwall
Sometimes (always), it wasn’t about wrong or right, and it wasn’t about making something be true when maybe it wasn’t, it was just about being: recognising that without the judgement – the constant need to make sense of things, make meaning of things….there was nothing left to fight, and there she found her peace.
And that peace pervaded everything if she let it. If she finally surrendered her desire to control, her fear that giving up what she thought she wanted would lead her to miss out on something meant for her, instead of gaining what she didn’t know she really wanted all along.
There is method in the madness. There is serenity in the surrender. There is peace in the perfectness. Could she cultivate a little more faith in this?
Photo taken at: Cornwall
Stop looking back. Stop thinking about the past and using it to determine your future. Look forward. What do you want? Head in that direction
I may not be who you want me to be, and I’ve definitely done the wrong things at the wrong time for the wrong reasons. Some may think it’s arrogant to forgive myself for things I’ve done which have hurt others, but if we cannot move past the pain and resentment of the past, we have no chance at finding peace in the present, and I choose peace. It doesn’t help you to have me relive my past and my guilt. We don’t need more hate in the world, we need more love.
A funny thing happens when you let the past go: you fall into a deeper integrity with yourself. You are able to make better choices because your ego isn’t keeping you focusing on who you were and what sort of person you ‘should’ be. Instead, you can just focus on what feels peaceful, and what feels kind. There’s no conflict between what I want and what you want: I’m pretty certain we both want a kinder and more loving space to exist
Photo taken at: New Polzeath