Often, we don’t even realise we’re giving away our power, until we leave a conversation or an interaction feeling flat, deflated, hurt, angry or frustrated. If you’ve felt these things, chances are it’s because somewhere in that interaction, you gave away your power.
I want to be clear here, reclaiming your power isn’t about exerting power over others. Far from it. It means holding your own power and allowing the other person to stand in theirs, without you taking theirs or them taking yours. We shouldn’t need to switch around if we are both able to hold our own.
Have you ever had a conversation and tried really hard to be honest, keep your temper in check, ‘speak your truth’, be present and listen to the other person, but still, you come away crying or deeply hurt over the way the conversation turned out? Have you ever asked yourself why?
The obvious answer is because it didn’t go well. You didn’t feel heard. They didn’t listen to you. You lost your temper and shouted. They shouted. You both said things you didn’t mean. Or, they didn’t say anything at all. They didn’t react. They acted like they didn’t care.
The deeper answer is because your actions were lead by what you hoped the other person’s reaction would be.
When you say or do anything with the hope that it will get a particular reaction from someone else, you’ve just given away your power to that person. You’ve given them permission to hurt or anger you, simply by not responding in the way you want them to respond….and most of the time you haven’t even given them the courtesy of telling them how you want them to respond, they’re supposed to be mind readers and guess the response you want. That’s a lot of power for one person.
So here’s the thing, we need to slow down and be more aware of our intentions when we speak to people. A simple, ‘What am I hoping for by saying / texting / acting like this?’ can work wonders in bringing to the surface any fearful place you’re acting from. What do you need from the other person to be happy? If you’re already in the throws of the conversation a little, ‘WAIT – Why Am I Talking’, is another great one from Gabrielle Bernstein.
If you’ve discovered an ulterior motive for what you’re about to say, just pause. Remind yourself that this is your power, and no-one else’s and that you don’t want to give it to the other person. You have a choice – say what you want to say but release the desire for a response i.e. say it because it feels good for YOU to speak your truth, regardless of the response, or decide to keep your mouth shut, walk away and regroup.
Awareness is the most important and first step on the journey to peace. Bring your attention to your ‘Why?’ and listen to what your heart tells you.
If you’d like to work on this and reclaim your power with some expert support, I encourage you to book a free alignment call with me to see if we’re a good fit 🙂