The Blogbecause 140 characters aren't enough
Ah – control vs love, possibly one of the biggest challenges we face – learning to love, whilst being vulnerable enough to know that we can’t control how that love, and consequently we, is / are received.
Tip: self love beats external love every time, because that is something we can control 💕
I pride myself on being open – open-minded, and open-hearted. It’s not easy to live by the principles you tell you clients about: to be completely honest, to show yourself, to be vulnerable, to feel the feelings and learn to accept every part of yourself.
Sometimes it feels like an uphill battle and I just want to run away from the difficult emotions and pretend I’m fine when I’m not.
Sometimes, in the process of being open, in the process of being completely honest and vulnerable, we get hurt. No-one’s fault, just the way it goes. Clients often tell me they can’t be open-hearted because they’ve been hurt so much. They have to close themselves off to protect themselves from people: people who will no doubt hurt them if given the chance.
I wonder what to offer here apart from empathy. It hurts. Sometimes people do things which you don’t understand and that vulnerability you were so proud of bites you in the ass…again.
Here’s what I can offer you – that being the same person, ALL of that person, no matter who you’re with, gives you a freedom that no amount of pain can take away, no circumstance could make you regret and no situation you couldn’t heal from.
Integrity and honesty are the antidotes to being hurt. It is what will allow you to heal. It is what will allow you to feel secure in your choices no matter what, because you were in alignment with your heart, your core, your true self, and no-one, no matter what they do or say, can take that away from you
I said adulting was hard. I want to caveat that. Most of us, at some point, will find being an honest human hard work. It requires strength. That said, there are many moments of fun, carefree adulting that are not hard work. We can choose how we want to perceive and react to our lives. We can choose to see challenges as opportunities and gifts. My darkest times have often lead to my greatest periods of growth. My eating disorder, depression, anxiety and subsequent recovery fueled my passion for counselling and ultimately paved the way for this career. There’s a reason. Maybe we just don’t know it yet
I often find myself in that space between wanting to live in the moment, and wondering if living in the moment is a way for me to avoid life and it’s inevitable responsibilities.
Perhaps there’s a balance (there’s probably always a balance) between being present and fully experiencing the here and now, and using that experience and energy to look forward and take the necessary or intuitive steps to continue realigning me with what makes me most happy
If you could only sit with it for a minute,
This feeling you’re avoiding so well
It would lose all it’s power over you
And you would finally know what it feels like to feel free
Photo taken at: Wales
Big changes require growth.
They require loss.
You must let go of something, someone, some sense of security: of knowing, in order to create the void that will allow the new stuff in.
The void is not a fun place to be.
To let go, knowing there are no guarantees, that takes trust.
And things will often not turn out as you had planned, and this is where you dig deep, learn what you can, and let go to create another void.
This process doesn’t end with a number in the bank or your dream job offer….we are evolving beings, and so we must continue to create space to evolve and grow.
The moment you feel stagnant, the moment you feel like your happiness is not all consuming, this is the moment to pause, and look at what you can release in order to expand into something better.
It is your right to receive all the abundance and happiness in the world. You just have to allow it in
Photo taken at: Wales
How often do we censor ourselves for the sake of fitting in? How often do we feel like we can’t show our emotions or talk about what is really going on for fear of upsetting or offending people? How good would it be if we could just all be a little bit more open, and have a little more compassion, for the fact that we are all human?
Sometimes, people trigger the hell out of me.
Sometimes, when I feel like I’m not getting the authentic person, when I feel like there’s a mask up, I take it personally and feel rejected and alone. I feel hurt that they didn’t trust me enough to be themselves with me.
This is not very “spiritually enlightened”. It is not a representation of what I know to be true.
And, it is sometimes how I feel.
And that’s my lesson. To see the edge. To see where I’m putting up walls instead of loving myself more. To be compassionate with my humaness, and the humaness of others, and be a little bit more open, a little more vulnerable.
How would it change the conversation if we could be a little bit more honest about how we feel and what’s happening for us in the interaction?
If something doesn’t feel loving, there is always fear. If we can call that out and explore it, we can move through it and change our patterns.
Relationships and our interactions are our biggest mirrors and teachers. My role as a counsellor and coach is to help you navigate and learn how to use them to change your patterns and feel more free to be yourself.
P.s. I’m taking on new clients right now – click here to find out more and book a free call with me
The shape of your goodness is not something which can be defined by your choice of actions in only one moment, but by your innate goodness: that which is inside you regardless of the ego-ful fear you layer on top of it.
Strip all that away and what are you left with? Someone who’s heart yearns to be held, safely, and quietly, by another human soul who sees them and accepts them completely for who they are.
Choose to show this side of yourself; the vulnerable part of yourself which is far from perfect and holds all the memories of the things you did or said that you’re ashamed of, and all the parts of yourself you don’t like. Show them THAT part, and you will be amazed at how often you are met there
Because every time she took a leap, it seemed she fell.
She couldn’t remember the last time she leaped and was caught,
By strong arms who could hold her and tell her she was ok.
So she learned to catch herself.
And instead of no longer leaping,
She learned to trust herself:
That even if she fell,
She could hold herself.
She would keep leaping,
Because what is the point in having wings,
If you’re too afraid to fly?