The Blogbecause 140 characters aren't enough
And just like that, she remembered who she was.
She found herself once more: the part she had lost in the rubble and the angst of other peoples’ pain.
And though the memory of her own pain was still fresh, she knew now that the strength and grace she once felt had never truly left her.
Picking herself back up, and letting go of the parts of herself and the people in her life who no longer offered her reciprocity for her love, she took her first tentative steps forward, learning to trust herself to be open again, one step at a time
Photo taken at: Wales
Take that anyway you want, but happiness can and will only ever be an inside job. If you’re not happy, take responsibility and look at yourself and how you can make yourself happier.
P.s. I know this sounds easier than it often is, but that’s where loving yourself enough to ask for help and support comes in. More people than you think have felt how you’ve felt, you just have to be brave enough to ask
Just because you care about people, doesn’t mean you have to be there for all of them. Friendship, relationships, interactions: they’re all an exchange of energy. If the energy exchange isn’t balanced, if boundaries are being crossed, it’s on you to make the changes you need to make to keep yourself balanced and happy. Do not blame someone else for your lack of boundaries.
Sometimes that means caring from a distance, sometimes it means challenging conversations, and sometimes it means walking away completely.
This does not make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you judgemental. It doesn’t mean you think you’re better than someone else.
It means you know yourself and what you need
If you’re investing your time, love or energy into something or someone and it’s not making you happy, it’s time to withdraw your effort and put it into the people and things who value you and make you feel good
If taking the ‘easy’ route feels uncomfortable; if you still think you have to achieve or accomplish something in order to receive (like a reward), you are yet to understand the depth of your own self worth, and that you are deserving of receiving simply by the virtue of being alive.
Do something because it feels good to do it, not because you feel like you should or have to. If you lean into your own joy, you are contributing in a way you could never do through fear or obligation
I want the grit
and the heart
I want the warrior
and the warmth
I want it all
because I am it all.
I am the good,
and the bad
and the lies
and the pacifist.
And if I see all that in myself,
I also see it in you
Ah – control vs love, possibly one of the biggest challenges we face – learning to love, whilst being vulnerable enough to know that we can’t control how that love, and consequently we, is / are received.
Tip: self love beats external love every time, because that is something we can control 💕
I pride myself on being open – open-minded, and open-hearted. It’s not easy to live by the principles you tell you clients about: to be completely honest, to show yourself, to be vulnerable, to feel the feelings and learn to accept every part of yourself.
Sometimes it feels like an uphill battle and I just want to run away from the difficult emotions and pretend I’m fine when I’m not.
Sometimes, in the process of being open, in the process of being completely honest and vulnerable, we get hurt. No-one’s fault, just the way it goes. Clients often tell me they can’t be open-hearted because they’ve been hurt so much. They have to close themselves off to protect themselves from people: people who will no doubt hurt them if given the chance.
I wonder what to offer here apart from empathy. It hurts. Sometimes people do things which you don’t understand and that vulnerability you were so proud of bites you in the ass…again.
Here’s what I can offer you – that being the same person, ALL of that person, no matter who you’re with, gives you a freedom that no amount of pain can take away, no circumstance could make you regret and no situation you couldn’t heal from.
Integrity and honesty are the antidotes to being hurt. It is what will allow you to heal. It is what will allow you to feel secure in your choices no matter what, because you were in alignment with your heart, your core, your true self, and no-one, no matter what they do or say, can take that away from you
I said adulting was hard. I want to caveat that. Most of us, at some point, will find being an honest human hard work. It requires strength. That said, there are many moments of fun, carefree adulting that are not hard work. We can choose how we want to perceive and react to our lives. We can choose to see challenges as opportunities and gifts. My darkest times have often lead to my greatest periods of growth. My eating disorder, depression, anxiety and subsequent recovery fueled my passion for counselling and ultimately paved the way for this career. There’s a reason. Maybe we just don’t know it yet
I often find myself in that space between wanting to live in the moment, and wondering if living in the moment is a way for me to avoid life and it’s inevitable responsibilities.
Perhaps there’s a balance (there’s probably always a balance) between being present and fully experiencing the here and now, and using that experience and energy to look forward and take the necessary or intuitive steps to continue realigning me with what makes me most happy