These days there are moments when my heart physically aches from trying to open itself up.
There are moments when the struggle seems oh-so-very real and I’m triggered over and over again.
There are moments when I soften and allow myself to receive the love from others I so tentatively attempt to give myself.
There are moments when I think I’ve got it, and moments when I realise there are still lifetimes of integration to go.
There are moments when I know it’s all perfect and all the same, and moments when my frustration drives me out walking in the cold with the sun on my face and the wind in my hair….willing the heaviness away.
Here’s the thing: I have a beautiful opportunity to explore relationship in real time. And it’s scary and more real than anything that has come before, because I know more than I did before. This time I’m doing it consciously. It isn’t hit and miss. It’s being discerning and choosing and trusting myself to be held, even when I’m not. It’s telling the raw honest truth about how I feel, even when I don’t know how, and especially when there are no guarantees.
It’s not brave or clever or enlightened. It’s where I am and how I’m choosing to show up. It feels right. And whatever the outcome, I’m deepening into my faith that it is all perfect.
Trusting that when I show someone my heart, it’s because I want them to see it, and whether they are able to express it or not, trusting that they have received everything they were supposed to, and that in my trusting myself, I have also trusted them.
Shifts of love occur in micro-moments and huge leaps of faith. They integrate slowly and in instantly painful momentous occasions. And each and every one is perfect.
My journey is your journey, and I would love to support you on yours. If you resonate with me and would like to talk more, please message me